


Drive

by smolostrich



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Coda, Episode: s02e18 Awake Arise Or Be Forever Fallen, Heartbreak, I'm Sorry, M/M, Malec break-up, My First AO3 Post, Not A Fix-It, One Shot, POV Third Person Omniscient, Sad Alec, Sad Ending, Sad Magnus, The Author Regrets Everything, loosely based on a song, malec is in pain, no happy ending, this one's a bit of a soul crusher
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 13:19:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15268341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smolostrich/pseuds/smolostrich
Summary: In his long life, there were many things that Magnus had to do that weren’t particularly easy for him. Watching Camille leave him was pretty high up on that list, along with watching his dear friend Ragnor Fell die. Yes, Magnus Bane faced some particularly difficult challenges in his very long life. However, loving Alexander was the easiest thing he had ever done. It came as easily to him as his magic, and maybe it was something like magic in a way it was constantly flowing through his veins, even while they were apart. But the most difficult thing he had done in a long time, was leaving Alec in that hallway.**********************************An angsty songfic based loosely on the song Drive by Oh wonder.





	Drive

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic so be gentle! I've tried before but this is the only one i didn't quit because i thought it was awful. Also, this is loosely based on the song Drive by Oh Wonder, so credit to them for writing that amazing song! Also this fic is very sad. You have been warned.

In his long life, there were many things that Magnus had to do that weren’t particularly easy for him. Watching Camille leave him was pretty high up on that list, along with watching his dear friend Ragnor Fell die. Yes, Magnus Bane faced some particularly difficult challenges in his very long life. However, loving Alexander was the easiest thing he had ever done. It came as easily to him as his magic, and maybe it was something like magic in a way it was constantly flowing through his veins, even while they were apart. But the most difficult thing he had done in a long time, was leaving Alec in that hallway. Stepping into that elevator had rendered him incapable of breathing. There was something ironic in the way Alexander had a habit of leaving him breathless, even in the most sorrowful ways. 

That night, Magnus had decided to take a cab back to the loft, after making a quick detour to the Hunter’s Moon first . Though his magic was perfectly intact, there was something about the thought of wind in his hair that he believed could replicate the feeling of his Alexander carding his fingers through his hair. He chuckled bitterly to himself at the ridiculousness of the idea. It had only been about ten minutes from the last time he saw Alec. Of course, he had said some things that he regretted. Some things being most of the conversation. Of course he would forgive Alexander for the whole mess with the soul sword eventually. Yes, the whole ordeal had hurt Magnus quite a great deal. He had barred his worst side to him, yet Alexander had the audacity to lie to his face. But he didn’t have to leave. No, that one was on him. Maybe in some other universe, they could’ve worked it out. Maybe there still was a chance for them. 'No'. Magnus chastised himself. 'I have to do this for my people. I owe it to them.'

Magnus pushed out the thoughts in his head and instead focused on whatever music was playing in the cab. Some silly song about being young and reckless. What a load of bullshit it all was. It wasn’t fair. Magnus had sacrificed everything for his people, and now he had to lose the one thing in his life that he got to-

“Sir? This is your stop?,” the cabbie interrupted his thoughts.

“Yes,” Magnus answered, handing him a twenty, “Keep the change.”

Magnus made the climb to his loft, not wanting to face an empty bed. However, when he reached the top of the steps, he caught a certain tall shadowhunter leaning down to place a note on the ground in front of his door. Magnus stopped in his tracks, holding his breath. Alec knocked on the door of the loft and hurried to make his departure before Magnus could open the door. Of course, the moment he turned around, he noticed Magnus, standing on the steps. Alec visibly tensed at the sight of him, which made him cringe.

“What are you doing here, Alec?” Magnus asked, giving no hint to all the hopes buzzing around in his head.

“After you.. Uh… left, I- I knew that this would be it, you know, that we’d be… um. Done, I guess, but I talked to Mom and Izzy and they told me that if I really think that there’s any chance that we could fix this, I should keep fighting for you, and I figured that there’s nothing left to lose here, but I still wasn’t sure I could face you, so I wrote a note just in case, and I thought you were home already and.. “ The shadowhunter trailed off.  
Magnus immediately felt the need to take his Alexander into his arms and sweep him off his feet once more, to take everything he said back, to go back to him, but he couldn’t. The fate of the Downworld was in his hands. His people. He had to stay strong here.  


“Alexander, I wish things were different. But this is how it has to be. As long as I am High Warlock, this my duty,” Magnus said. It was becoming too easy to push Alexander away.

“You keep saying that, but I know you. Do you not remember? Before we were together, when I was about to marry Lydia, you insisted that I had to be true to myself. That- That I couldn’t marry Lydia if it meant sacrificing my happiness. That I would regret it. Now I’m asking you to please take your own advice. I can’t just give up on us like that. We always knew we would face challenges, but what we have is good and real. So forgive me if I can’t walk away that easily!” Alec stood there, right in front of Magnus, strong and tall, as if he weren’t begging. As if there weren’t tears streaming down his face.

And in that moment, well, how could Magnus watch his Alexander fall apart and not do anything at all? Magnus reached out and embraced his love carefully, almost as if he was afraid they would both crumble under the words he was about to speak.

“I’m sorry. I just.. Can’t,” he whispered, ashamed. Releasing Alec from his arms, immediately wishing he could hold him again.

“Magnus, please,” Alec begged, all the fight left in him slowly seeped out, exiting through every pore in his body.

Magnus reached for the door handle, but Alec caught his hand in his.

“Please.”

“Oh Alexander,” Magnus said, squeezing his hand, “With who we are, I think it was over long before our first kiss.”

Alec’s hand went limp and let go of Magnus, no longer clinging to him like Magnus was the only thing keeping him from collapsing on the ground. Magnus turned back to the door and twisted the handle. He glanced back to his Alexander one last time and turned to enter the loft before he could change his mind.The door shut and Magnus felt an instant regret flood his body. He felt heavier somehow. He routinely made himself a martini and slumped down on the chair, where he would sit for the rest of his night. 

Outside the door to the loft, Alec retrieved the note from the ground, crumpled it up and leaned against the wall to the side of the door. He slid down, burying his face in his hands while tears flooded his eyes, frustration began brewing and he threw the note at the wall across from him. It fell to the stairs and Alec wished for Magnus to open up those doors and come back to him. He didn’t, and Alec was alone.

**************************************************  
"It ended long ago, so please just let me go."

**Author's Note:**

> WOW that was sad. But I had fun writing it! It's better than being holed up in my room watching the office all day! I apologize again for that being so sad. Whoops. kidding. In fact I made it sad on purpose. Would ya believe that?! Anyway, here is the playlist i listened to while writing this: https://open.spotify.com/user/paigeschanely/playlist/4bvGuYRUg9FQkwdZkCNj5s?si=VGeYzFruRNqgOKLaJ6KSlQ  
> *******************************************  
> Have a great day lovlies!! Kudos and comments are highly appreciated! <3


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